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University of Minnesota School of Social Work 105 Peters Hall 1404 Gortner Avenue St. Paul, MN 55108 jquam{at}umn.edu

Ruthie and Connie: Every Room in the House. Video/2002/55 min. A film by Deborah Dickson. Producer: Donald Goldmacher. Distributed by Women Make Movies, 462 Broadway, Suite 500WS, New York, NY 10013. 212-925-0606. Online: www.wmm.com. E-mail: orders{at}wmm.com. Rental $90, Purchase $295.

Ruthie and Connie: Every Room in the House is a love story and a celebration of two women who have been friends for 40 years and lovers for 25 years. Ruthie and Connie met in 1958 in Brooklyn where their families were members of the same synagogue. Each was married with children and living in a housing complex in a middle-class community. When they realized that they were attracted to each other, one of them contemplated suicide and the other was torn between returning to Israel with her husband and children or staying with her new love. The video takes its title from a moment when Connie says, "What was a friendship in the living room and in the dining room became a loving relationship that included the bedroom."

The video begins with Ruthie and Connie looking at old photographs of family weddings and trips. The story follows them as they meet with old friends at a retirement complex in Florida. Friends from the 1950s talk of their shock and surprise at first learning of Ruthie and Connie's relationship many years ago. As pillars of the community and leaders in the synagogue, Ruthie and Connie were supposed to fulfill the roles expected of them as Jewish women: get married, have children, and be good wives and mothers. Their unusual behavior was confusing and divided the community. After describing their feelings, the group of old friends continues to reminisce about the "happiest couple they know."

Unfortunately, their relationship has taken its toll on their immediate families. Ruthie is estranged from her youngest son. Although she writes to him frequently, she receives no response. Connie is shown in a conversation with a daughter who is still unsettled with her mother's behavior of many years ago. Later, Ruthie discovers that her late mother was so embarrassed by their relationship that she stayed in her apartment and avoided her friends who were gossiping about what was happening.

In their later years, Ruthie and Connie become active in the gay and lesbian community. They are shown leading coming-out groups and a Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) group. One old woman tearfully states that after being in a relationship for 24 years, she has finally worked up the courage to introduce her partner to at least one of her relatives at an upcoming family gathering. Whether dancing at a gay and lesbian dance or marching in a gay pride parade, their love for each other and their pride in their identity and commitment to each other as lesbians are lovingly portrayed.

In an excerpt from the Donahue TV show, Ruth and Connie confront a woman in the audience who is clearly offended by the couple and thinks that their relationship is wrong. Because they are not allowed to marry, they have been denied the privileges that come with a heterosexual marriage. During the show, it is announced that Ruthie and Connie have sued the New York Board of Education where Ruthie was a guidance counselor because they have not been able to receive health benefits as a couple (a lawsuit that they ultimately win). This vignette resonates to the current political debate regarding same-sex marriage. There are between 1 and 3 million GLBT adults over the age of 65. This group will continue to increase in size as the overall population of elders increases and as aging adults become more comfortable with their sexual orientation. Federal programs and laws ignore the needs of same-sex couples. Social services and community programs act as if they do not exist.

In the context of this video, the arguments relating to political differences over the rights of same-sex couples are made specific and concrete by focusing on the deeply felt bond expressed through Ruthie and Connie's relationship. Familiar Jewish images add to the understanding of the role that religion played and continues to play in their lives. Ruthie and Connie celebrate Shabbat and are active in the synagogue. The highlight of the video is a commitment/celebration ceremony that occurs in the synagogue with a young, lesbian rabbi officiating. Surrounded by friends and family, Ruthie and Connie<--?1-->are blessed under the chupa and raised high, still seated in their chairs, as is the custom in traditional Jewish weddings.

This is a video that could certainly sensitize either a general or a professional audience to the unique needs of old lesbians. One brief segment in which the couple discusses their orgasms may be offensive to some viewers, but is treated very matter-of-factly and with good humor. The two women openly express their affection for each other with hugs and kisses. One is left with an image of two people who, despite tremendous societal and cultural norms against them, fell in love. They have grown old together and expect to face the coming challenges of aging as a committed couple.

This Article Full Text (PDF) Alert me when this article is cited Alert me if a correction is posted Services Similar articles in this journal Alert me to new issues of the journal Download to citation manager Citing Articles Citing Articles via Google Scholar Google Scholar Articles by Quam, J. K. Search for Related Content PubMed Articles by Quam, J. K.